Intrusive Thoughts: The Basics

Here’s a not so fun fact:

It is estimated that upwards of 90 percent of new parents experience intrusive thoughts in the postpartum period- and yet, for some reason, we still don’t talk about it.

Maybe you’ve never heard the term before, or maybe you’re a connoisseur of those “letting the intrusive thoughts win” memes that were trending for a hot second. Regardless, intrusive thoughts are one of those things that come up in my work with prenatal and postpartum folx more often than not, so let’s get into it!

While those memes were entertaining, they confused the terms “intrusive” and “impulsive.” The content of impulsive thoughts are typically more on the fun side- think, “I’m gonna book that trip,” or, “I bet I’d look hot with bangs.” Intrusive thoughts, however, are unwanted thoughts, ideas, images, or mental movies that are often frightening, disturbing, or taboo. They’re less *buying a birthday cake cause I’m an adult, and more, *I could put my hand in the garbage disposal. (That’s a real thought from yours truly- you’re welcome.)

Many, if not most, people experience intrusive thoughts, and typically they come and go without making too much of a scene. But with all of the changes in pregnancy and postpartum, intrusive thoughts can really ramp up to become more frequent, distressing, and persistent.

One theory posits that intrusive thoughts are actually an evolutionary adaptation to keep us aware of dangers that might come to ourselves or our offspring. For example, an intrusive thought around dropping the baby down the stairs may cause us to slow down, hold them a bit tighter, and pay more attention to our feet. Basically, intrusive thoughts are the Amelia Bedelias of the postpartum brain: they really want to help but they just keep reminding us about that really scary movie we saw when we were 15 and are also covered in gravy for some reason.

It may sound counterintuitive, but the simplest way to get intrusive thoughts to chill out is to acknowledge them. Instead of trying to think about something else or talk your way out of the thought, a simple, “Hey thought, I see what you’re trying to do here, but I’ve got this” can really make a difference!

People are often scared or embarrassed to talk about intrusive thoughts because they are worried about possible consequences, such as being hospitalized or having their baby removed. However, most providers, especially those trained in perinatal mental health, understand that intrusive thoughts are not inherently dangerous, even if the content is frightening or taboo. Talking about scary thoughts with someone you trust is a good way to take your power back- plus, the more people with eyes on Amelia Bedelia, the less gravy.

If you’re feeling like the intrusive thoughts are in control instead of you, speaking with a therapist trained in perinatal mental health can help!